Wednesday, October 20, 2010

apna mumbaaiii localllllllll!!!

i have never really been able to comprehend the fuss these ladies create in every bloody compartment of the mumbai local trains... even during the peak hours when one doesn't have breathing space, with every side of yours crushed...when you are being pushed from all possible directions.... these aunties want place to stand comfortably, sit in the aisle, play antakshari, get devotional and indulge in bhakti music.... arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh... the list goes on...oh yes and how can i forget.... they are in serious NEED to comb their hair, apply kajal, compact, gloss and look all made up and chick before they alight from the local!!!

even if your bag brushes their "delicate shoulders", they are bound to start their melodrama on how girls these days have no etiquettes, respect for elders and the list goes onnnnnnnnnn.... phewwwwwwwwww
instance one:
p: oh sorry aunty...
aunty: aaj kal ki ladkiyaan... pata nahi kya samajti hain aapne aap ko... colg jaane lagi toh jaise kuch bhi kar sakti hai....
p: aunty sorry...train mein jagah nai hai..
aunty: arey jagah nai hai toh dusre train mein jaaoo na... yeh train mein kyun atee ho..
p: areyyy aunty, local train hai...jaise aapko ko jaldi hain, mujhe bhi hai..
aunty: (loudly): arreyy... dekhooo yeh hai aaj kal ki ladkiyaan...jabbann ladati hai
p:(losing her cool): dekhiye local train hain... aapko itni jaldi hain aur takleef hoti hain adjust karne mein toh plzz khud ke liye special train banaiyein
other aunties: (supporting p): thoda adjust karo na...subah subah kyun jhagda kar rahi hoon

instance 2:
the gossiping sessions never seem to end... they have an obsessive compulsion disorder to talk about everything from meena ki maasi ki behen ke ladke ke saali ke sassuraal waali shaadi ka khaana to the one rupee price hike in "tamatar ka bhaav" to the saaris that one has worn in the train" areyy yeh toh badiyaan hain...kahaan se liya?? kitne mein aaya???....d other lady quotes the price...1st lady in complete shock" kyaaaa...yeh toh bahut jyaada hain!!"  haahhh i knew she would come up with something like this...  and the sari... was UGLY...oh that might be an understatement too!!! they ask questions and don't expect answer, they answer to questions not asked, they all talk together... its worse then a fish market...sighh... 

instance 3: 
the fourth seat system in the 2nd class and the "no fourth seat' system in the first class is hilarious!!! second class ladies... mostly fat aunties...have no patience to stand or no concern for those who decide to catch up on their beauty sleep in the early morning locals or otherwise... it is a compulsion to ask every person where they will get off...if you are are rudely forced to rub your eyes and wake up to the unblinking face of some fat lady who thinks you are a little short of hearing and scrams loudly to know where you'l get off only to know that your destination is nothing but the last stop... sighhh...why disturb my peaceful slumber...grrrrrrrrrr....
even if the seat is occupied by 3 fat ladies..."zara andar sarko" is a statement which is mentioned in all seniority, superiority and with the pride of a lion... arreyy bhai kaahaan sarkee... jagah toh honi chahiye na... but who understands...
there is a complete role reversal in the 1st class.... even if three of the skinniest ladies sit on the seat and if you ask them to push in a bit, pat comes the reply: don't you know, this is first class... there's no fourth seat here!! haaahhhhh... oh yess... and even if the aunties fail to have the knowledge of basic grammar taught in the elementary grade, they think it is a norm to talk ONLY in english and nothing else if you have a first class pass or ticket!!! 

after facing major glitches and getting into a few squabbles with aunties who think that they are the "OWNERS" of the mumbai locals... if not the IS their pop-in-law's property!! bahh.. , i have actually grown quite fond of the little dose of entertainment which i receive each morning on my way to college and back.... if on some "unfortunate" day, i miss out on the daily dose of drama... my day simply feels soo incomplete...
*sigh, i think i caught the mumbai local flu too...or maybe the gibberish that the aunties are soooooo used to is contagious!! *


  1. YEa u caught the flu sweetie... Loved reading it.. especially "meena ki maasi ki behen ke ladke ke saali ke sassuraal waali shaadi ka khaana "

    hahaha hillarious

  2. heeheee lol!!! thnk u thnk u!! was pretty jobless toh i wrote shit!!! hahahaaha:P

  3. it was as entertaining as being present at d scene!